ways we have influenced music over 35

Ways we have influenced music over 35 years

You might think that just because I'm an old cunt from Dublin I've had

no impact on the world of popular music. Long term readers will know

this is false as older stories will prove. However, there are many

other examples of how I, or my friends, have influenced music over the

years.

Oh, you want specifics? Ok then.

1 - Stuttering Steve, Dirty Dave's second cousin, was in a bar in

London in 1970 and asked David Bowie if he had any ch-ch-change for

the cigarette machine.

2 - Jimmy the Bollix had a friend who had an ice factory in America.

He would go round with these massive blocks of ice selling chunks at a

time to people during the hot summer months. Sadly, this man also had

a young son who got run over by a car. He was on the point of death

when the man had an idea. Distrusting of hospitals he decided to

freeze the boy, Walt Disney style, until a cure was found for his many

injuries which included a fractured arse, dislocated testicles and

ruptured armpit.

So the boy remained in a freezer for many years. One night Kate Bush

came into Ron's for a pint, which she often did back in the day, and

Jimmy told her the story which then inspired Kate's big hit 'The man

with a child in his ice'.

3 - I once told Stinking Pete to take our mates Supertramp to Bewley's

on Grafton Street for breakfast. Being a piss head simpleton he

thought I said take them to New York. The rest is history.

4 - One day me and Jimmy were in Northern Ireland and we ran in to

Undertones lead singer Fergal Sharkey. After we'd stopped taking the

piss out of him for having no lips whatsoever we went on the lash and

got to discussing how things used to be much better 10 years ago.

Music, clothes, girls, everything. Even bodily functions were so much

poorer in that day and age prompting Jimmy to opine "A good fart these

days is hard to find."

5 - Lucky Luciano tells of his sexual prowess, particularly when he

was a young man. He tells the tale of when Abba toured Italy and he

scored with the blonde girl. Apparently they had sex for 48 hours

straight but after the first 24 hours she went into some kind of

trance and completely blanked out the rest, including Lucky's enormous

climax. Some time later they released 'The day before you came' in

tribute.

6 - Me and Jimmy used to hang around in San Francisco with Chris Isaak

in the early 90s. What a quiff he had. To take the piss a bit we got

toupees made in the exactly same style. "What a wigged game to play",

he'd say.

7 - Not many people know there were originally 6 members of Duran

Duran. As well as the ones you all know there was a lad called Lorcan

McManus from Clondalkin and I was actually the manager of the band at

that stage. Well, I decided we'd go on a bonding weekend to

Yellowstone National Park which went fantastically well until we got

lost in the woods one day and Lorcan was set upon and consumed by a

starving wild beast.

Although "Hungry like the wolf" was a massive hit I never got any of

the credit as I'd been fired by a distraught Nick Rhodes just after

the tragedy.

8 - While in New York Stinking Pete introduced the Fun Loving

Criminals to a new type of Ecstasy which were shaped exaclty the same

as Great Dane testicles. Scooby's Nacks became all the rage then.

9 - Gilbert O'Sullivan once came into Ron's and after a few Canadian

Club and Ginger ales proceeded to read us a poem he'd written.

"That's a load o' me hoop", said Ron. "Nothing rhymed".

10 - Stinking Pete was involved in a tempestuous affair with Rosanne

Barr whilst he was going out with a triple amputee with two tongues

and a gee that joined up perfectly to her anus. As my good old friend

Bernard from New Order commented that was a bizarre love triangle.

All true.

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