2006_04_01_archive

doctor orders me to stop being harsh

It's officially Spring, so I had a physical checkup, to make sure I'm

strong enough to do all the gardening and landscaping I have planned

for our new bungalow.

Boy, was I shocked at the news.

My doctor said I needed to relax, calm down, and avoid conflict. When

I asked if personal confrontation and professional critique were

"conflict", my doctor said "Yes".

"But Doc," I explained.

"What?" he asked.

"My online persona is a character, an alias, named Vaspers the Grate,"

I continued.

He gave me a look that signified incomprehension.

"I analyze web sites, marketing strategies, and business models.

Sometimes I get upset, cynical, angry, forceful, severe..."

"Stop it," my doctor said.

"What can I replace it with? You can't expect me to praise all the

crap (I think I said "shit") that I see in the blogosphere, or in

local podunk hick businesses, can you? I mean, I can't pretend to be

someone I'm not. I can't be insincere and flatter and tolerate all the

garbage out there. The arrogant CEOs, the Harem Mentality dress codes,

the pension raiding, pseudo blogs, spammers, mommy bloggers, phishing,

offshore outsourcing of sensitive data..."

"You must calm down...or die," he replied grimly.

"Nobody will read my blog anymore, I'll be ruined, I'll have to call

myself Whimpers the Flake." The more I protested, the more he hardened

his resolve.

"It might be best if you abandoned the blog, and took up chess as a

hobby," the non-geeky doctor remarked. He was really getting on my

nerves. I wanted to punch him. Thank God, I held back.

"My blog is not a freaking hobby," I shouted so loud, I scared myself.

"It's who and what I am, my blog is me, and it's my social life, my

primary way of connecting with other people."

"You can accomplish the same thing by joining a health club," the

medical man asserted.

So, alas, if I wish to continue living, I must stop being Vaspers the

Grate.

This will be my final, tearful post.

Goodbye, friends. It's been a wild ride through rough tides. Thanks

for coming along.

Sincerely,

Steven E. Streight

APRIL FOOLS!

Posted by steven edward streight at 4/01/2006 07:49:00 PM 0 comments

Links to this post

restaurant marketing realities

Priorities of the

Restaurant Business:

(1) Health/safety:

If a food-borne illness contaminates a restaurant and infects patrons,

the eating establishment will be tainted for a long time in public

opinion, customers can die, and the business may be shut down

permanently.

(2) Recipes/cooks:

People patronize a restaurant if the food is good, reasonably priced,

attractively presented, and brought to the table in a timely manner.

Fast food joints are chosen when a customer just wants a quick fix for

the appetite, and heads for McDonalds or Long John Silvers.

Above all, the food must look and taste good. Menu items must reflect

what is popular. Or must change frequently, to create interest and

arouse curiosity (see Pizza Hut's continuous innovations in types of

pizza).

You often hear people say they go to a particular dining establishment

because of one item: "I like their hot wings" or "They have a great

imported beer selection" or "It's the best catfish around" or

"Incredible barbecue sauce".

(3) Atmosphere/accommodations:

If the restaurant is not child-friendly, parents will not take their

children there. College kids like a hip environment, with art or music

or hipster servers, and trendy dishes, fancy gourmet coffee options,

and wifi.

Some people prefer super clean, or very cozy, restaurants.

Others have to have liquor with their meal, or by itself.

Still others only frequent restaurants that are patronized by similar

clientele, like business executives (downtown steak restaurants),

farmers, construction workers, lawyers, parents with children (Chucky

Cheese).

(4) Pricing/discounts:

Many customers will visit a meal provider based on having a coupon for

a half price entree, free desert, or other enticement. Punch cards

that offer a free sandwich after you buy X number (Subway), or an

entire free meal (Carlos O'Kelly's).

(5) Type of food:

Some people prefer American meat and potatoes, while others lean more

toward Mexican, Italian, Chinese, or Indian cuisine.

(6) Wait staff:

Lastly, there are a minority of customers who develop casual, friendly

relationships with a specific server, typically just one they

especially favor, possibly two or three.

Generally, if that particular waitress or waiter quits, the customer

will not abandon the dining establishment, but will form a friendship

with another server, and continue to patronize the restaurant, based

on the other factors listed above, plus plain old familiarity and

habit.

Other Factors:

Convenience, location, parking, consensus of peers, advertising,

television commercials, a famous chain (Hooters, Steak n Shake, Red

Lobster) that is new to the town, wishes of family member, spouse

influence--plus vague, sentimental, subconcious tendencies (owner is a

father figure, waiter reminds them of their son).

MYTHS:

(1) "Location is everything": untrue. Customers are known to go

significantly out of their way to patronize a restaurant. Just be sure

to avoid gloomy, dangerous areas of town, waste dumps, junkyards, foul

smelling factories.

(2) "Wait staff relations with customers are most important": while

it's important for servers to cultivate personal service, a cheerful

demeanor, sincere care about portion sizes, etc., customers easily

adjust to new waitresses or waiters, even new owners, as long as the

food tastes good and is reasonably priced.

(3) "Plasma/HD/wide screen television, wifi, and other technological

enhancements will draw new customers": most customers could care less.